Diary entry

Friends! How quickly you leave me and find new friends; the only trace of me in your memories is like a bright reflection on crystal glass.

But I can’t forget or leave anyone; each of you are like diamonds in my memory.

All of you are my threads, my children, my dears. I feel honey-like viscous warmth towards you…

How do you do this? Tell me…

After breaking free from the past I was completely closed to a new relationship, sealed up like a caterpillar in a cocoon preparing to pupate and fly upwards on new wings. I didn’t want to waste myself any more on flippant relationships and I decided to wait for my one and only for as long as it took, as long as was necessary to cleanse myself completely.

That’s how I spent the whole of spring, then summer… And at the climax of autumn’s gold it felt as if I’d just leaped over from Mexico into Moscow’s Indian summer. I was like a hungry female wolf in the cold concrete forest of Moscow. Where had the palms, earth and nature gone? Was everything here really covered in asphalt? Would my feet not be able to sink into the hot sand on the ocean’s shore?…

My beloved and the hero of this book, Jonny, phoned me just as I was going up the escalator in metro Komsomolskaya to meet a corporate trainer for dinner. Jonny asked me: “Are you at Komsomolskaya? I don’t know why I came here. I felt that this is where you are.” I was unnerved. There was no way he could have known about my meeting. It was a completely spontaneous meeting; about an hour before Jonny’s call, the trainer had called and confirmed a place. I went out of the metro and met Jonny at the exit. He’d parked close by…

Let’s get back to the cleanse and find out what is at its core.

Start by preparing the water. Boil about a litre of water and then cool it to 37 – 38 degrees centigrade using this special technique. Place the jug of water on a windowsill or another place where moonlight can shine into it. This way, you will charge the water will lunar energy; the energy of wisdom and femininity. The ideal time to do this practice is during the full moon.

The next stage is to charge the water with your intent. Rub your palms together to make them warm and then hold them over the water 3 – 5 cm from the surface while formulating your intent with sharp precision e.g. “I intend to free myself from past ties (you can name the person or people here)”. Your intent will be put into the water’s structure.

Another way to charge water is to cup your hands together, raise the water to your mouth and talk your intent into the water. Next hold your palms over the water or place both hands around the jug. Your intent will be transferred through the warmth of your hands. You can add rose petals or any other flower petals you like to the water. I’ve also used quartz crystals from holy places to charge water. First I squeezed the crystals in my hands, transferring my intent to them and then I placed them in the water for 20 minutes.

When the water is ready pour it into a syringe. You might have to repeat the procedure a few times depending on the size of the syringe. Important note: you must use all of the water you have prepared. Place the end of the syringe into your vagina, and squeeze the water into it. Don’t forget to disinfect the syringe beforehand. While you are doing this, continue to say your intent in your head: “Water, water, cleanse me! Let everything I want to get rid of flow out with water”.

This procedure also has a practical side; it can be done the day after your period has finished. It helps clean your womb from remnants of blood, and the added rose petals will impart your ‘flower’ with a pleasant scent.