For the first time after long years of soul-searching, I was inspired by my life and encouraged by everything surrounding me as well as by everything I felt inside. I allowed myself everything I couldn’t even dream about before: I began playing music, painting, studying new practices, watching what was happening around and what other people do during their search.

Everything turned out to be interesting for me! At the same time, I continued travelling to India and taking part in events organized by Pilot Babagi. I was deepening my understanding of myself.

I UNDERSTOOD: EVERYTHING I NEED IS ALREADY INSIDE ME. WEARINESS, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANXIOUSNESS AND SOUL-SEARCHING GAVE WAY TO INNER FEELINGS OF FULFILMENT.

Though, there was another side of the coin as well: the happier I felt, the less others could understand me. And those closest to me – first. My parents asked me the same questions again and again: “Andrey, what’s happening with you? What are you doing? Are you in a cult?!”

At first, my wife was just watching me, then she started criticizing, and after that she seemed to leave it alone, thinking: “the case is hopeless, my husband is crazy. I got married to a normal man, but now there is a stranger in front of my eyes: everyday he wakes up with the dawn, declines usual food and habits, does something inexplicable, smiles all the time…”

Nevertheless, I didn’t listen to anyone, I didn’t apologize, nor did I explain anything. I loved the changes in my inner being, and the only thing I wanted was to continue.

Sometime later, Maksim suggested going to India once again. Now it was an expedition to a place of power called Tapovan. That trip affected my life a lot. There, in Tapovan, I received one of the most interesting experiences in my life – the experience of communicating with my inner master and of unquestioning belief. I’ll tell you more about this amazing event in one of following chapters.

After I came back home from the trip that changed my mind regarding life, I faced a problem: “How do I live among people having that knowledge about the world and myself? How do I live in a society where everyone does nothing but tries to deceive each other, being forever in a hurry while running in the same circle of obligations and routine? Everything these people like, poisons me and makes my life worse…”

I DON’T KNOW: HOW SHOULD I LIVE HERE NOW?

So, I stepped on the path of total depression. While feeling wonderful happiness inside, I didn’t understand how I can live further, how I should act in the world, where no one can accept me…”

Those days I felt like an alien everywhere, including my own home. My wife used to listen to me before and found my opinion important, but now she seemed to be separated from me by an invisible wall. I saw fear in Marina’s eyes: she couldn’t understand who that person was, and what he would do.

Parents, colleagues, friends, employees – everyone was steering clear of me. While living in the city with millions of citizens, being among crowds of people, being in the family circle, I felt as if there was nobody else on my planet, no one who could hear, understand and support me. I was alone.

However, I was still feeling absolutely happy inside. I tried to spend more time in nature. I enjoyed eating some simple food. And even that food I didn’t eat much. I enjoyed my inner freedom from meaningless hurry, empty actions and addictions.

THAT TOUGH PERIOD OF MY LIFE LASTED FOR ABOUT HALF A YEAR. MY WORLD SEEMED TO BE BEING RUINED. IN FACT, IT WAS ONLY MY OWN CONCEPT OF LIFE, MADE UP BY MY MIND, WHICH WAS RUINED. AND A FLOW WHERE I JUST NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND HOW LIFE GOES AND WHAT FATE GIVES TOOK THAT CONCEPT’S PLACE.