If the reader is patient, they will soon understand everything about both “ouroboric inferiority” and the “Reference Image.” Describing a rigidly looped structure, which has neither beginning nor end, is like watching the TV series “Santa Barbara” from the hundredth episode – it will be easier to understand what you are reading about now after reading the next chapter. So, all this ouroboric sudden attachment is nothing but infantile manipulation, hidden from everyone, including the actor themselves.

The actor does not consider the possibility of achieving what they want through independent action or partnership, nor do they objectively assess the situation to conclude that their desire might be unattainable. All efforts are aimed at obtaining the “incarnator” and then “squeezing” the realization of their dream out of them. When this does not happen, disappointment sets in, accompanied by a mass of claims and offenses, and the idealized idol is thrown off the pedestal. It is as if the contract for the realization of the dream has not been fulfilled, and penalties must be collected from the negligent performer. The counterparty does not understand anything, neither the sudden love or affection at the beginning, which they take at face value, nor the claims later.

So it turns out to be: “I'll use you to piggyback ride into paradise,” or “I'll use your hands to pull chestnuts out of the fire”, “You will help me reach my beau ideal, and I will idealize you, praise you, obey you, please you, and be what I think you want me to be”.

If we want to free ourselves from this ouroboric captivity, we need to stop looking at other people as resources to be consumed. We must stop viewing those who have what we need, whether material or not, as very desirable to the point of trembling in our knees. We have to stop manipulating reality by keeping such a person close to us and forcing them to give us what we want.

As soon as there is a feeling that someone is “the one,” and we try to involve this person in our orbit and keep them there by any means, we enter the “eye of a needle” of an ouroboric dream – the trap has slammed shut. We are in illusion, and no matter how hard we try, no matter what we do for this person, no matter what role we play in our personal performance, nothing will work out.

This deep-seated hunger for a mother's breast, this primordial anguish, cannot be satiated by anything – neither food nor communication. Food may lead to obesity, and having a partner may lead to disappointment. If we form a couple to satisfy this hunger or anguish, we are bound to realize that the other person cannot fulfill it, leading to disappointment when they "promise but do not deliver".

I will revisit this topic when I discuss devaluation, as the mechanism of ouroboric falling in love is closely linked to the infantile personality's consumerist attitude towards others and life in general.

When an ouroboric personality is interested in someone, this interest is often presented with a sense of their own greatness. "I wanted it – you came to teach me. I will use you but idealize you for it – this is my payment to you. You are both the attendant and the ideal, while I am both the learner and the master".

Such manipulations cannot foster a trustful, empathetic communication because the counterpart will likely sense the manipulation and resist being used, especially if they have a realistic view of themselves and the other person. Fortunately, my friend eventually recognized the pathological nature of her infantile communication style, and we developed a comfortable relationship. While we may not be fully "grown up", we aspire to grow, with depth, mutual respect, and sincere empathy.