A bit of chronology: In the summer of 2019, I had a very vivid, incredibly realistic, and therefore well-remembered dream. I was approaching my entryway and felt uncomfortable because the door looked different from what I was used to – it was wooden and without an intercom, like those from Soviet times. I went inside and saw different railings, elevators, and paint on the walls. Everything indicated that this was the past, around the mid-70s. I went up to my floor, approached the door of my apartment, and realized that nobody knew me there. The first owners, still young, lived there, and there was no point in talking to them. I went downstairs, walked towards the neighboring house, and tried to figure out what to do because I had no documents, no money, and no idea how I got there or how to get out. Besides, my son was waiting for me in the present and probably wouldn't wait for me, so I had to warn him that I wouldn't come home. I took out my phone, dialed my son's number, and he answered. I said, “Sonny, I'm in the past and I don't know how to get back". At that moment, the phone in my hands turned to dust. I tried to figure out what to do and concluded that the only person who could help me was my mother. I needed to get to Minsk, find our house near Station Square, and I thought I could recognize it in my dream. I realized that she wouldn't believe me because I was 45, her daughter was about 2–3 years old, and she herself was about 25. I also realized that I knew the past and the future and could convince her that I was her grown-up daughter. And we would find a way out. That's when I woke up. I was surprised by this dream but generally didn't give it much thought.

In the summer of 2023, after another unsuccessful attempt to build a relationship, I actively listened to online lectures by various psychologists, which led me to realize that all my problems stemmed from childhood.

Six months later, I suddenly realized that during those sleepless nights, which happened quite often, I was engaging in auto-aggressive attacks on myself for being the way I am and for my life being the way it is, rather than what it could have been if I had been different and acted differently in various situations.

At the end of June, I had a dream about a dragon-lizard, and I began to analyze my every emotion with the persistence of a gold digger who had stumbled upon a gold mine, constantly asking myself why I felt the way I did at any given moment.

Finally, in August 2024, I had a quite neutral dream in which I was walking home alone on the street in late fall. I woke up with an unpleasant feeling centered in the solar plexus area, which I recognized as a familiar oppressive longing. I habitually interpreted the dream as suppressed pain from loneliness. But as I analyzed my sensations, I suddenly realized that it was a feeling of hunger. Upon reflection, I concluded that the feeling of hunger and the feeling of loneliness and rejection in my psyche are so closely connected that they are, in fact, difficult to distinguish.

It was then that I finally decided to question my mother, despite her active protest. She reluctantly told me that, despite a normal birth, I was brought to her only after 10 hours. I was weaned at 9 months of age and sent to my grandmother's house in another city the same day. For the next few years, I saw my mother only twice a month on weekends. Thus, the meaning of the dream I had 5 years ago became clear to me! It was my mother who helped me understand why my psyche was organized in such a way, why I had been suffering from rejection and loneliness all my life, searching for situations where rejection would be overcome, making unsuccessful attempts to find a mate, and why I suffered from night hunger that I could not recognize and confused with loneliness.