Oleg and I stepped aside. I didn’t want to leave our son, but due to my pain, we returned to my room for more medications. I needed rest, and it was time for me to pump more milk. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I couldn’t say a word to Oleg, who laid quietly on the couch with his own tears.

When I calmed down, I called my sister, Luda. One of her children was also born premature.

“Olga, I know what you are going through,” she said. “I feel your pain.”

We both talked and sobbed. It was easier to talk with someone who had had similar experience and understood. I was so grateful for my sister’s support.

…….

In the afternoon, Oleg brought David, Kristina and Michael to visit me and meet their baby brother.

“Mom, why did the doctor cut your stomach? How big is your cut?” Michael asked, scared.

“The baby would have died if the doctors had not cut my stomach,” I answered. “The cut is about five inches long.”

“Did it hurt, Mom?”

“No, it did not, because the doctors used numbing medications during the surgery,” I answered. “But it hurt after the surgery and it hurts now.”

“How long it will take to heal?” Kristina asked.

“About two weeks. I will need to be very careful when I come home. You guys will need to help me a lot.”

“Mom, we will help you.” Kristina laid by me on my hospital bed and hugged me.

“Why was the baby born early?” David asked.

“Because Mom’s blood pressure raised very high,” Oleg answered. “Mom has some health problems. We need to take good care of Mom.”

“How soon will you and the baby come home?” David asked.

“I will come home after about four days, but the baby will stay at the hospital for a while. He needs a surgery on his heart.”

The children were sad. Even children know that heart surgery is serious. They had no more questions. We were all quiet. After getting the information they wanted and seeing that I was likely to be okay, they just turned the TV on and watched cartoons. How much could we expect from our children? David was the most concerned, but Kristina and Michael, because of their age, didn’t understand much.

After spending a few minutes with me, the children wanted to see their baby brother. We thought they could handle it. Seeing the wires and tubes, attached to the baby, the children were scared because they didn’t understand what was happening. They knew that their brother was in a trouble and that he was sick. They didn’t want him to die. This was the first time they ever experienced the possibility of death. Oleg explained the problems with the baby’s heart and asked our children not to be scared, but to pray for God to help their baby brother.

…….

That afternoon, the doctor came and told us, “During the meeting of cardiologists, neonatologists, surgeons and medical students, we decided to delay your baby's open-heart surgery until he weighs at least five pounds. We think medications will enable his heart to keep working until he has grown larger and stronger, which will give him a better chance for success. We will feed him intravenously and let him grow, while keeping his heart duct open with medications. We will also continue providing oxygen to help him breathe. Your baby will stay at the hospital at least two months before the surgery and few more months after the surgery.”

Hearing the doctors’ long-term plan, Oleg and I understood that our son would not be coming home any time soon. We had to decide how our family would manage these changes for many weeks to come.

“Have you decided on a name for your son?” the doctor asked.