In the morning, a room with a couch became available, so the nurses with my husband’s help transported me there in a wheel chair. Oleg fell asleep on a couch right away. The nurses changed my wound dressing and started magnesium medication through an IV to lower my blood pressure. They were also giving me Ibuprofen and Vicodin to kill the pain. In addition to itching, I felt dizzy and developed a very bad headache. I was still unable to fall asleep.

…….

Oleg slept for only a couple of hours. In the morning the nurse asked if he wanted to go visit our baby again. He was excited for the chance and left with her. When Oleg returned, he brought me a precious gift: he had taken a picture of our baby, so I could see him for the first time.

I loved our son so much and felt so sorry when I saw him. I needed an explanation about all the wires and tubes around him. When the doctor came, she tried to answer my questions, but there was just too much to understand. I wanted to see our baby, but my medical condition prevented this.

After the doctor left, Oleg and I realized how blessed we were to live in the United States with well-educated and skilled doctors, advanced medical equipment and medications. It is amazing how skilled and talented these individuals are, and how much they care. They do more than just their job. They are involved in our lives and work as fellow human beings, who care for other human beings with such strong convictions. They are special, and we are grateful for them.

Oleg and I understood that from then on, our lives would be different, since our baby would be staying at the hospital for a while. Oleg called his Mother in California.

“Mom, our baby has been born very early. Olga had a C-section. The school has started. Someone needs to be home to send David, Kristina and Michael to school and meet them after. Can you please come help us with the children?”

“Yes, of course, I will come,” Oleg’s Mother promised.

My parents continued to help with our children, while Oleg was with me at the hospital. That morning we realized how lucky we were to have parents near us during such critical time.

…….

A nurse brought me an electric breast pump to pump the first colostrum for our baby. I sat up in my hospital bed and started pumping, but didn’t know if my baby would ever drink it. I couldn’t believe this was my new reality. My first three children were all healthy. They were with me in the room after birth and I breastfed them. I knew it was important for our baby to drink colostrum, but he couldn’t yet; he was being fed through an IV. The nurse brought me more bottles and labels. I attached the label to the bottle and the nurse took my milk to NICU to be frozen.

The cardiologist ordered an echo cardiogram of our baby’s heart. With hope, we patiently waited for the results. Soon the cardiologist came back and said, “Unfortunately, the echo cardiogram of your baby’s heart showed that all the predicted problems are still there. Your baby may not survive.”

He gave us a list of our baby’s diagnoses:

Right dominant unbalanced atrioventricular septal defect with large primum ASD;

Second superior secundum ASD;

Inlet VSD;

Hypoplastic left ventricle;

Severely hypoplastic aortic arch with severe coarctation;

Large patent ductus arteriosus;

Ex-30-week premature infant.

We didn’t understand all of the medical terms, but knew there were many problems with our son’s heart. When the doctor left, we were quiet for a while.

“I feel like God doesn’t hear us,” Oleg finally spoke. “Why doesn’t He help us? What about the prophecies that others had told us that God would heal our baby in the womb? Why had individuals prophesied that which is not true?”