The doctor paused, and I did not know what to say or ask. What a terrible dilemma for a parent to face. Our baby will die if we don’t do the surgery. But, I also didn’t want my baby to go through the pain of surgery…

“Olga, you may consider an abortion,” the doctor said.

“No,” quickly escaped my lips. “I love my baby so much already. There is no way we can do an abortion. I am also from a Christian family and we know that abortion is a sin. I feel that aborting my baby would be the same as killing him. I can’t do that. His life is in God’s hands. I will give my baby all chances for life, and I know God will help me.”

The doctor looked at me, regretfully. He knew I had no idea what I was facing if I decided to go with open-heart surgeries on a newborn baby.

“I will refer you to a cardiologist,” the doctor said. “They will do an echocardiogram, which will show more details of your baby’s heart. Talk to your husband. You still have time to do an abortion, if you decide.”

I left the doctor’s office and called Oleg.

“The ultrasound confirmed again that our baby’s heart is badly malformed and is not going to change,” I said through tears.

“God will help us, Olga. Please don’t cry,” Oleg tried to calm me with little success.

“I can’t accept it. I don’t want to accept it. Why did God let it happen to our baby? Did we do something wrong? Is He punishing us for something?”

“Olga, we don’t know why it happened. You know we didn’t sin. I don’t think God is punishing us. For some reason, He let it happen and He will help us through it,” Oleg did his best to soothe me.

Until that day, I was hoping that it was a mistake, but it seemed that both Oleg and I were powerless, and that God had failed us. Driving home, I cried out to God, hardly seeing the freeway through tears.

“Why, God, You decided to give us an ill baby? Are you punishing us for something? Show me, what is it? I will do whatever it takes to fix it. I just want our baby to be healthy.”

But God was quiet. I didn’t hear Him answer…

At home, I continued to cry and implore God to heal our baby. I could do this since Oleg was at work and the children were at school. I was home alone. No one could see me cry. After a while, I began to sense a different perspective. I felt as if through our experience with the third pregnancy, God prepared us to better handle the issues in the fourth pregnancy. The doctors predicted that our third child could be born with serious health problems, but he was a healthy baby. Could it happen again? Here we were, facing a decision: the doctors were telling us there was a huge problem and suggesting an abortion; our religious values said we should not do an abortion. How do you decide such a critical question? I knew Oleg and I needed to think and agree, and it had to come from our heart and values.

…….

I knew our situation would be nearly unbearable and that we would need lots of advice, love, help, comfort and support, to be able to deal with this complicated pregnancy. I first turned to my Father. We share a special connection; I know he will always be there for me. His words and guidance come from the heart. When I was a child, I always heard him pray every night and I knew God heard him. My Father also often told us how God healed others through the hands of his Grandfather. I knew we had to pray.

“Dad, our baby’s heart issues are so serious. Can you please pray for us?” I asked my Father.

“Olga, the news is terrifying, but please, take care of yourself,” my Father said. “Don’t worry. God will take care of you and your baby. We will pray, and God will help. I love you, Daughter. Be strong.”