It is important to understand that the emergence of this second character marks the beginning of a cycle of self-dissatisfaction and subsequent self-aggression. The internal dialogue should be replaced by a monologue, removing the pronoun «you»: instead of "you ate a lot again, don't eat a lot," it should be "I ate a lot again, I won't eat a lot". This change eliminates the presence of two versions of oneself in one's consciousness.

I want to emphasize that the reason for such internal dialogue, and thus for an episode of auto-aggression, is not important. It can be anything, and if it is not found in the present, it will be found in the past. We are all familiar with the feeling of guilt. What matters is the presence of a large, auto-aggression-fed, and currently hungry Ouroboros in a person's psyche. I hope the reader understands that this is a metaphor; by Ouroboros, I mean not a literal lizard in our head, but the structure of an immature personality that produces dysfunctional behavioral patterns, including auto-aggression.

All of this means that if someone is alone in a room and feels like crying, it indicates that they are torturing themselves in a way that can no longer be tolerated, and they may not even recognize it.

In studying the phenomenon of auto-aggression, I realized that it is not linear; it has a multi-layered structure with many variations. I identified the following major layers of auto-aggression:

– overt (insomnia),

– hidden (longing),

– deep (unpleasant dreams),

– permanent – anxiety, which provokes an endless stream of consciousness,

– the sudden-appearing anxiety affect – the Catastrophizer.

And the versions of auto-aggression

manifested externally:

– suicide;

– damage to one's body – cuts, etc.;

– deliberately hitting yourself or objects;

– excessive tattoos and piercings;

– all addictions – drug, alcohol, food.

Hidden:

– internal dialogs with figuring out who is at fault;

– comparing oneself to others not in one's favor;

– punishing oneself by denying oneself pleasure, excessive self-saving;

– fatigue to the point of exhaustion;

– accidentally bumping into objects in known places.

It does not matter what form our auto-aggression takes in each particular case; it always starts with an internal dialogue. Often, this dialogue is not between the «best» and «worst» versions of ourselves, but between an infantile actor and the person with whom they had a conflict, such as a boss, spouse, or neighbor. The actor mentally tries to prove their rightness, primarily to themselves.

From the very beginning, I asked myself whether it is possible to defeat auto-aggression. I concluded that it is possible to significantly reduce its intensity by controlling the basis of the ouroboric structure – illusions. And that is very good news.

And now the bad news: the structure of the infantile personality makes it almost impossible to engage with reality. As long as there is a devaluation of the true, there will inevitably be an idealization of the false, i.e., an illusory reference image of oneself. This leads to auto-aggression for not conforming to this image, accompanied by self-imposed pressure to get closer to it and find «happiness» – to reach one's infantile «paradise». Yes, reality destroys illusion, the basis of the whole structure, but illusion resists destruction.

Illusion is seductive: in the illusion about oneself, one is great, omnipotent, clever, sought-after, and witty. In reality, a person is simply who they truly are. Reality is an exile from paradise; it requires concentration and is energetically costly. It is difficult for a person to be in the present moment, in the "here and now". It is challenging to exist without a "stream of consciousness" – that endless sleep of the mind where fragmentary thought-forms constantly replace each other, like Brownian motion. Reality demands productive thought, but the infantile brain desires rest; it wants to «sleep» and dream illusory dreams of its own greatness. Again, the illusion, and again the longing for the reference image, believing that connecting with it will bring ouroboric «happiness». For the infantile personality, at a deep subconscious level, this is an aspiration to the infantile paradise of the mother's womb, where everything is provided, and nothing needs to be done.