But we almost never notice the connection:

A mistake → passive aggression directed at ourselves for that mistake → a result in the form of a cascade of negative emotional states.

At the beginning of the cycle of auto-aggression, the following happens: during any unpleasantness or conflict, a certain better version of oneself appears in consciousness. This version would certainly not have allowed it, could have done better, thought more clearly, said (or didn't say) the right thing, was on time, did everything correctly, remembered important details, replied with a sharp retort, and so on. This «better» version begins to reprimand and demand explanations from the «worse» version – the one that allowed it, couldn't do better, didn't think clearly, didn't say (or didn't say) the right thing, was late, made mistakes, forgot important details, responded meekly, and so forth.

These two personalities of one person engage in a tense internal dialogue in which one blames while the other tries to justify or blame someone else. In this dialogue, the «accuser» invariably uses question adverbs like why, how, what for, how much, etc., and the pronoun you. The «accused» constantly tries to humor or portray themselves as a victim of circumstances and attempts to answer these razor-sharp questions: "Why did you let this happen?", "How could you say that?", "How can you be such an idiot?", "Why did you buy that?", "How much can you eat at night?", etc.

The theme of the dialogue changes depending on what provoked the cycle's beginning, but its essence is always the same – the «accused» either committed a «crime» or failed to prevent it. This dialogue continues until either the «accuser» – this magnificent best version – gets tired or the «accused» – this complete loser – begins to show external signs of self-harm, such as crying, banging their head against the wall, or cutting their veins. Now it becomes clear what all these tears into the pillow and agonizing insomnia are about.

At the same time, both the «accuser» and the «accused» are the same person – our infantile actor. No, they're not crazy; they're just unhappy with themselves and want to fix themselves so that "it won't happen again". They want the Reference Image to be realized, but is that possible with such a ridiculous «performer»? Obviously, the accusing part of this personality is under an illusion about the real qualities of the «accused». In fact, it is under an illusion about itself.

For example, a woman might have a certain reference image of herself in her personality structure, where she is slender, wears beautiful clothes, is photogenic, and posts attractive photos on social media. This image seems quite realistic; there is nothing supernatural about it. However, it was formed some time ago without considering the peculiarities of her psyche, physiology, and current life conditions, making it illusory and detached from reality.

If she is overweight and cannot lose weight, such a woman, seeing her reflection in the mirror or after a heavy dinner, will engage in an internal dialogue similar to the one described earlier. She might call herself «fat» and accuse herself of "eating that piece of cake again" (which she believes she could have avoided). In this case, the «accuser» is under an illusion about her own willpower, the lack of which is the reason for her lack of results in the fight against excess weight, and which even earlier led to the gain of this weight.

If this hypothetical woman could realistically assess her willpower, she would accept the number on the scale and either stop torturing herself with attacks or work on this area constructively. However, this does not happen because the very act of auto-aggression, leading to the tears of the «accused» or an attack of dysphoria followed by affect (which we will consider later), is seen by the psyche as a sufficient result. Such a person is unlikely to lose weight naturally but is quite capable of feeding her own Ouroboros.