The ability to care and love is a real moral work which helps you to calm or encourage, inspire to overcome difficulties, meet your precious after a working day, and many other things like that. And this all has to be learned, just as we first learned to read or write. Moving in the relationship to higher levels is like first we learn how to keep in hand a pen and years after learn calligraphy.

I will use some wonderful images and description of this from the famous author, philosopher, psychologist Erich Fromm from the book "the Art of love".

We learn how to drive a car, we go to courses. We also learn to count at school and learn foreign languages. First, the theory, the rules, and then we go to practice driving, if this is a driver's course. With foreign languages it is the same, everything is very clear – first we learn the rules, then we begin to pronounce the easiest standard phrases. And then we polish this skill for many years, either when we drive a car or speak the new language.

Who said that you can love? Have you studied the theory of how to love? What are the rules, what does the course consist of? Did you study the theoretical part to be able to love? There are so few people. You can safely give an answer – no one even thinks, no one studies the theory. What about the practice? Have you had any practical lessons on how to love (please do not confuse it with sex)? Did you start your practical training with the simplest things of love for your loved one?

Most people are completely sure that they know how to love and that this is not necessary to learn: neither to analyze the theory, nor to engage in incomprehensible practice. This is about as absurd as telling someone who does not know a foreign language that they are already fluent in it, or to convince someone who has never driven a car that he will be able to drive ‘like a snake’ in a car backwards.

The misconception is that people are confident:

– that love is simple;

– that you don't have to learn anything in love.

Therefore, most people are looking for romantic love, a romantic experience that should then lead to marriage. After all, you just need to find an object of love, and then "I know everything and I can do everything". They bend this romantic experience to a person who often does not suit them at all. Not suitable is the person for many reasons, but they do not see it at that moment – it usually happens in the rose and candy period.

Love, in which there is no help and care for the beloved – this is another concept, but it is not love. The main principle in love is to give yourself, sacrifice your own energy and capabilities, leaving self-care in the background. What do you like more – to receive gifts, care and attention, or to give? Since giving is the highest manifestation of a person, his spiritual power, it is not difficult for the reader to understand how far or close he is to this level.

Only a stout – hearted man can partly sacrifice himself to a loved one. Giving yourself to the beloved for many years of family life is cherry on the cake! Now let’s have a pause for a minute. Were you taught to give yourself, to live for your loved one? Maybe these thoughts visited you during the most romantic moments? If there is a desire and you think about it – it is good enough! But then, after the wedding, life with a husband is completely different, difficult and complicated. Will you have the desire to give yourself after a working day, after cleaning the apartment, doing homework with the child and cooking a three-liter pot of soup for a week? What do you need to have in your head to make you want this? What should your husband be like, how good should he be, so that you will not change your mind about trying so hard for him?