I'm very ambitious. I always wanted to be on top.

I don't think I'm giving up yet.

Every time I increase the upgrade level to reach new heights.

Now I’m thinking about going to Hollywood, I’ll start with small roles, and then we’ll see how it goes. Look, in this life I’ll star in the main one.

Then, at fourteen, I didn’t want to agree with the vow of celibacy. She constantly tried it on herself and threw it aside with contempt.

I prayed that God would not give me such misfortune, that he would bypass me and reward Olya, well, let Christina, Nastya, Valya in extreme cases, but not me.

They are all married now, just like me, but then they were so afraid. They were afraid, but did not show these feelings. They held firm.

I was the weakest of all, the first to start putting on makeup, and so brightly, to be sure. I didn't even give up on getting David.

He was in a relationship, and I asked him to teach me how to play the guitar, suggested we go for a walk, supposedly discuss the Bible, and arranged gatherings with mutual friends at his house. All this was seasoned with a ton of makeup and a deep neckline.

Even after that unfortunate under-kiss, I carried out attacks on the poor couple of guys in love. I think these were attacks on my loneliness. I fought him desperately.

I went to clubs, met with guys in between, until I left for a bigger city, where, as I wrote earlier, I almost locked myself in a monastery for three years.

Do you know what was there? Three years of celibacy. It’s so funny, I fought with him so much and lost. Beaten and defeated, with my tail between my legs, I resigned myself to this fate and stopped trying.

In the dorm, I was a nasty nerd who, at twenty-three, could go into the kitchen and rip someone's stereo cord out of the socket because I wanted to sleep. The whole floor was having fun and listening to this music, it didn’t bother anyone, but they were afraid of me. I complained, after all.

I laugh, but in those years I was stiff and hypocritical, like an old woman.

I masturbated then too. But she hid it from everyone, fearing to spoil her image of decency.

These were strange years in my life. I had a lot of friends, I won’t say that I missed you, but life in fear of God’s punishment is very depressing.

Christian girls, friends of those days of mine, if you are reading this book and are still not burned with shame, then come to your senses.

There is no one in this life who would live it for you. If you are unhappy, then it will get worse, only depression and antidepressants while waiting for a better life in paradise. I have already seen girls like this, dreaming of quickly getting off this rushing train called “life”, instead of picking up speed and winning themselves.

There will be no other source of happiness except yourself. No one, no heavenly powers will make you happy if you have not learned to generate happiness in yourself.

Okay, let's move on. I'll tell you a little later about my episode of apathy.

In the meantime, here are examples of girls who thought they were under a curse, ugh, you misspoke again, a vow of celibacy.

Inessa, a plump thirty-five-year-old girl, married a rich Finn, travels with him around the world.

Sonya, a masculine, stooped, bespectacled daughter of a village priest, married a young pastor from another village.

Another Sonya (the spitting image of John Lennon in a skirt) married a new parishioner.

Masha hurried up and married an alcoholic, but the truth overcame loneliness. Was it worth it? She knows better.