Chapter 5

POV Derek

– We hadn't heard from them in a long time. Just one letter, and in it three words, "Everything is fine"… Don't they have any time at all to write more than those three words? For example, how is their health? What difficulties have they encountered? – I said tiredly to my mother when she came into my chambers to read the Bible to me.

Leaving my bed, in defiance of my mother's wailing, I paced from corner to corner of my huge royal bedchamber. I was terribly tired of hiding from everyone and not even going out into the corridor, the dining room or the garden. Yes, I'm poisoned, and my strength is failing me, but damn it, I'm still alive and I'm sure I'll last until my consort returns from her journey. Of course, if she comes back at all: her journey is dangerous, the herbs she needs are guarded by terrible monsters, and she's taken a court healer to help her fight them! Would he be able to save her from death?

"Where are they now? What are they doing? Why don't they report themselves and their journey? What if Sylvia simply ran away with that handsome young healer?" – That last question got me thinking, and I stopped in the middle of the room, shifting my gaze to the woman who had given me life, searching for an answer.

– Leave the worry, my son. Perhaps they don't have the ability to write long letters. Do not forget that their journey is long and thorny, and the poison still poisons your body and mind. – Mother rose from her wooden, velvet-covered chair and approached me. We stared into each other's eyes in silence for a while, but then she continued. – That's not what you're worried about, is it? I can see the pain and jealousy and doubt in your eyes. Ever since Sylvia left with the court physician, it's as if you've withdrawn into yourself.

– You are right as always, Mother," I said quietly. It was useless to resist: she always knows what's in my heart. – He is young, clever, handsome, well-bred… Why did she choose him for the journey? She could have said "No" and asked for any other warrior to be her companion… They don't even know each other. How can you trust your life to a man you don't know?

– He is a healer, my son. Who else can you trust with your life but him? Leave your doubts. – Mother gently touched her palm to my cheek and stroked it with her thumb. – Sylvia is your lawful wife, both on earth and in heaven and under the earth. You shouldn't think she betrayed you for someone else. That's not nice.

– You're right, but I can't help it. – Carefully removing and kissing her palm and, I stepped back to the opposite wall and covered my face with my hands. – All these days I have been trying to make sense of myself. Tell me: is it possible to love and hate at the same time? – I asked with a bitter laugh, taking my hands off my face and looking at my mother.

– What do you mean? I don't understand. – My mother's face was troubled.

– I don't understand anything either! – I laughed, but it was a nervous laugh. – Whenever Sylvia is near me, my heart skips a beat. I'm irresistibly attracted to her. But as soon as she escapes my gaze, I begin to wonder how sincere my feelings for her and her feelings for me are, how I hate demons… I miss her, I worry, but at the same time I realize that we are too different and alien to each other, that there should be anything but love between us.

– My dear, I have no answer to your question. – Mother shook her head negatively and headed toward the door. – I can only assume that you cannot forgive each other's mistakes, that you cannot forget your past and the war between your kingdoms. Hence the hatred. Love, on the other hand… It comes at the most unexpected moment. Perhaps you are attracted by Lucifer's mark, or maybe it is a real feeling… I am not given such knowledge, my son. I'm afraid not even God himself can give you the answer.