– That's not what I'm saying: you're still too inexperienced, but you'll learn everything in due time.

I sighed heavily: «in due time!»

I had thousands of arguments and beliefs running through my head, but I couldn't put them into words, as if I didn't have enough vocabulary, even though I loved to read.

– Well, I'm willing to accept that. But I don't understand why you won't let me go to Oxford. – I persisted.

Mum stopped smiling and her face became very serious.

– Because I'm afraid for you» she replied.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

– You're afraid of something I'm not? – There was no limit to my surprise.

– Exactly.

– But it's wrong: if you don't let me go, I'll never be independent. You let Mariszka go to the Sorbonne when she was nineteen.

– Mariszka is a different story. Her youth was in a different era, more peaceful, and yours is in the midst of a million temptations.

– Then you think I am worse than Maria and Mariszka? – I exclaimed unhappily.

– No, not at all! – Mum sighed and took my hands in hers. – I'm afraid you won't be able to understand, but I'll try to explain. We live in a difficult, turbulent and frightening time: temptation and exposure are at every turn. And I want to protect you from them. I don't know how else I can raise you to be a true vampire in this time. You're not strong enough to resist what's around you-you don't have the core that we have, and I want you to stay away from mortals because you're not immune to them yet, and it's hard and painful to get that immunity, and I'm afraid…» Mom stopped talking.

I looked at her expectantly, silently demanding that she finish her sentence.

– You'll understand me. Someday you will» Mum said without finishing her thought.

Her words moved me: despite my outward indifference, I was extremely sensitive.

– But, mum, hear me! You can trust me, because I trust in myself! I can stand up to them, I can! I feel it with all my heart and with all my soul! – I exclaimed desperately, squeezing her palm.

– Misha…

– All right! If you are afraid to let me go alone, put someone to me, like you did with my brother Markus in Bohemia! I'll do it! Just let me go to Oxford, Mum! I want to live and learn to be a real vampire!

Mum turned her face away, as if it was hard for her to look at me.

– You can go to Prague, to Mariszka's» she said finally, after a long silence.

I frowned disappointedly: she was talking about her own things again!

– But then I wouldn't develop! Mariszka will replace you and overprotect me, and I want to feel free to act, but I absolutely understand and accept my responsibilities, – I said.

But Mum didn't answer me.

– After all, I am no more stupid than people my age,' I added. – Please think about it. Maybe you could ask someone you know who lives in England to look after me.

– Not now, Misha. It's very hard for me to talk about it. We'll talk in a month, when your father, brothers and Maria arrive,' Mum said firmly.

– But, Mum…

– I'm not saying no to you, but I need time to… I need to think things over, maybe I can arrange things. I just won't be able to live peacefully knowing that you are far away from me, because I missed Mariszka's hunt to be with you. You are my youngest child and by far my favourite. I love all of you, Martin, Mścislav, Maria, Mariszka, but they are grown up and have become independent, and you are still a child. You were born in this incomprehensible time of universal equality, and you are very impressionable. But I realise I can't keep you at home. Let me think about it. You won't be able to go to Oxford this year anyway.